I figured I was pretty far behind here, neglecting the good reader and such. Daily posts! Throw a party and stuff!

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Listen. I don’t know how you’ve been handling yourself this year. Probably a lot, amirite?
Santa doesn’t want to hear about your problems, he just wants you to be happy. Happy with what you have. Don’t be asking for a bunch of stupid crap. Go outside and play with the stuff you got today, and like. Didn’t get what you were really really wanting? Tough. Do not bitch to Santa. He is not your bitch.

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Whos lovin your mama?

This thing was posted in February of ‘07? Man I’m getting behind the times. Possibly run down by them/it.

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Yeah, I bought one of these a couple days ago. Normally I’d go with a DQ Blizzard, mc chris style, but not that day. Friday I went with a Hot Fudge Sundae, fortunately (or, unfortunately) I didn’t order nuts. Now, I don’t know if the employees were just screwing around with me or if they failed Physics, but what I got was this:

Yeah, the fudge at the bottom immediately created a hot moat of molten fudge and cream, rapidly weakening the foundations of my ice cream dick. I put it in my cup holder and jabbed the spoon into its pee hole, pretending I was driving stick back to the office. I had to get a picture for you, the loyal reader, no matter the personal cost. That fool was leaning like Pisa, but I managed to get back with only one cream droplet on my console.

Anyway, you owe it to yourselves to read this:
Wiki Phallic Entry And since I typed it, now go Google “Phallic Entry”

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^ True story.  So they’re doing this world record thing for downloads.  Lots of promoting and such through their community site (http://www.spreadfirefox.com/).  One promotion is a certificate you can create stating that you (yes, you!) downloaded on Download Day, as it’s called.  Original fan and all that.  You could frame that thing, probably gain some cool points, maybe even increase your Fathers Day status by next year.  To help get things started I decided to make a fun cert just for you!  Annnnnnd here it is:

Whoops.  I accidentally made an irony.  I’d try again right now, but I’m afraid I’ll crash, again, and potentially have to log in here, again.  I’d rather type a windy explanation than do that.  Oh, I could use the IE I have open on the other screen, but I’m afraid that will crash worse.  For what it’s worth, I did try a couple more times with the same result.  I even submitted an error report, but it failed. It could be one of my plugins, or possibly the cruel hand of fate.

This almost calls for some Crashin’ Thrashin’ Robots action, IE7 vs FF3.  Who will open the page, and who gets their head popped off.

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Today is the third annual celebration of a TimeSyphon holiday.  Timeless takes place each year on June 15th, hence my horrible double post.  I say horrible because this double post comes on the heels of a post drought, yet I’m not explaining why. Odd? Lazy?  Two parts awesomesauce and one part Spaghetti-O’s?

Regardless, on with the show.

How does one celebrate Timeless?  It’s easy really, you simply present a friend or casual stranger with this picture:

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You have living, breathing proof that you got laid at least once. Or you were used terribly in a manner which will haunt you for the rest of your life, possibly inflicting emotional trauma of an unimaginable scale on those you love. But, congratulations either way. Both are impressive.

I have a gift for you. Words of wisdom from my inbox.

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Through a convoluted quasi conversation online I have happened upon a phrase. Well, it’s not so much a phrase as a word. Also the word and phrase are two very different interpretations of the same thing. It went something like this:

<begin paraphrase>
them – what’s up
me – uh hey
them – ur on my team want to do something ?
me – uh I need to go soon, sorry.
them – <broken words> oh ruinz <more broken words> (emphasis added by me)
<end paraphrase>

Right. So I’m not positive what went on, but I’m pretty sure ruinz is the equivalent of crap/shit/oh noes/constipation. I’m being liberal on that last one. It also sounded a bit familiar, like some slang I may have seen on The Internets. TimeSyphon is officially adopting it. From this day (Well, that day, really) forward, we has a word. I mean, phrase.

Ruins (roo-enz)
-expression
Used to indicate disappointment, resignation, or a loose grasp of the English language. Frequently, and most appropriately, expressed as “Oh, ruins.”
Usage (kindly provided by GunsTanksCannon in a serious email within 24 hours of learning the phrase)
“Not only is my intarwebs not working right but my car caught on fire this morning and I’m working on getting an alternative mode of transportation until I can get around to looking at it. Oh ruins.”

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That’s right, have you played Desktop Tower Defense?  Brilliant!  Oh, I’m talking about this linky

Addictive and enjoyable, like your mom (zing!)   I don’t have a lot to say, you just need to play it really.  If you’re interested, our group is “TimeSyphon” and you may enter that after entering your name to be included if you want to hang with the dorks.  Well right now it’s just if you want to hang with me – but there may be others later!

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So I was walking through B&N the other day, putting on my serious face and pretending I know how to read. Felt upscale. It took approximately 1/10th of a second for this book cover to wreck my concentration and Amtrak me to a complete stop mid-aisle.

With the power of goatse combined…

I’m not sure a single thing made it into my head before thinking goatse. Seriously. Having become instantly amused I went and checked out what the book really was. Turns out I (possiby you, as well) missed last year’s record setting relay run that was to raise awareness for…go read it yourself right cha: http://blueplanetrun.org/

It’s a good cause, but I am convinced they would do better by making an alternate goatse version. Myself and those like me would impulse buy that. Good coffee table book, illustrates teamwork and grabs your attention. If you’re feeling particularly flush the proceeds from the above book go to helping provide drinking water to those in need. (see what I did there?) If you have more time than money spread some awareness, maybe a goatse photochop. If you can morph that circle of water somehow into a tubgirl reference I’ll be more impressed.  I envision a group of people working together, paradoxically keeping the world together as they stretch the void. Heartwrenching.

If nothing else this book nearly prevented me from mentioning what I saw on the way into B&N: a guy vacantly staring into the starry night rapping a staccato with his knuckles on the hood of a car. Wait, that was kind of sad.

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